Negative Zone

Music, Books, Time Travel, and other ramblings...

Category: Writing

Sick To My Stomach

2018 is my year to change, my Thunder Year, my time to finally express my creativity and write for real.  Part of that is this site, which I update much too infrequently.  The majority of that is writing a novel.

The website – well no one visits it as far as I know, so it doesn’t bother me horribly that I don’t have a new post every day.

The novel – wow.  What a cliche, right?  Isn’t everyone writing a novel?  I know, I get it.  But this is something that has been a part of me since I was a little kid.  Something that is a part of my being, this desire to be creative through my writing.  So much in my life up until now has conspired to pull me away from what I truly want to do in life.  Finally, I feel like a change has come over me.  I truly feel like I am going to do what I’ve always wanted to do, and everything is in place for me to succeed.  Trust me, I’m very excited!

So why do I feel sick to my stomach when I’m about to submit a short story to a national publication?

More Thoughts about Writing

It really is tough to “just write”, at least for me.  When I said I would write more, I didn’t really mean on this website.

Two weeks ago I purchased a laptop in order to write every day.  This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid, this is my passion, so why not do it while I’m not working.  Makes sense, right?  But the fear…am I good enough? Would anyone want to read what I write?

It’s easy to write on this website because I know nobody is reading it.  I originally had comments turned on, but stopped that because it was literally all spam.  The first comment got me so excited and then I realized it had a spam link on it and, well, sadness.

Writing a novel, or short stories, or submitting to a website or magazine…that’s a lot different.  There is true rejection.  And even if you are published, people can hate what you have to say or tell you that you’re not good at putting those words together.

So I bought the laptop, brought it home, and it didn’t work at all.  My brand new computer was so slow it felt as if I were on the first desktop I ever had back when I didn’t go on any websites, I dialed in to BBS’.  I couldn’t use it, had to bring it back to Best Buy.  I can’t write now!

That’s unconscious resistance.  Bullshit.   I went online and bought a new laptop, and this thing is amazing. I love it. And I’m writing.

Maybe you’ll never see what I write.  Maybe you will and you’ll love it.  Or think it’s complete garbage.

No matter what, I’m writing.  I sit down, and “just write”.  And a week in, I love it.

On Writing

I’ve had so many stops and starts.  Not only in the past few years, but my whole life.  For now, let’s just talk about writing.

When I was a child, I wanted to either be a writer or in the mafia.  When that was met with some nervousness from the adults in my life, I changed mafia to FBI.  Writing was always a constant.

My grandmother always encouraged this dream, and we would write stories together.  Our reading tastes weren’t quite the same; I wasn’t allowed to read Stephen King.  Now I wish she were still around so we could discuss Misery or The Stand.

I recently finished reading On Writing by Stephen King.  The Universe, Mr. King, and my wife have really encouraged me in the last couple of weeks to dig back into my first love.

I don’t believe the mafia is in my future, so I’m really going to give writing a shot.  A real shot this time.  Wish me luck

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